Messages We Send Our Kids

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You’ve heard the old adage, “Actions speak louder than words.”

This is doubly important when you think about the messages we send our children each day.

Yes, we tell them, “I love you.”  And when we see their new artwork or what they’ve built with blocks, we tell them, “Great job!”

 

But what do our actions say?messages we send kids

 

If you “fix” the creation she built out of blocks while she is out of the room, what message are you giving her?

If she helps you fold the laundry and then you refold it, right before her eyes, what are you telling her?

If he greets you with a big hug and the tops of half a dozen dandelions and you toss them into the trash instead of finding them a glass of water, what message did you just send him?

If he dresses himself for the very first time and winds up with his pants on backwards or his shirt inside out and you immediately pull off his clothes and fix them, what are you telling him?

If you log on to the computer as soon as you get home instead of asking about their day, or you leave the room while they are telling you about their latest drawing, what does that say?

If they ask you to play with them, and you tell them, once again, “In a minute…” and then you keep scrolling through Facebook, Pinterest, or whatever, what have you taught them?

 

I don’t want my children to feel like they aren’t good enough or that they can’t live up to my expectations.  I want them to be proud of their accomplishments, to learn independence, and know that I love them just as they are.  I want them to feel valued, to know they are more important than a silly computer game or the latest Facebook status.

 

Every day we send our children messages.  The question is, what kind of message do you want to send your children?

 

Shared on some of these blogs and
  and Natural and Free’s Best of 2013 link up.

 

Comments

  1. I think about this a lot. I tell my boys I love them more times a day than I can count. But do my actions always match up? Probably not. It’s something I need to work on.

    • Sometimes it is hard — there are things that have to be done around the house and “in a minute” is inevitable… But I am trying to make sure my actions correspond with the messages I want to send.

  2. I have definitely been guilty of re-doing something immediately, but I never thought about it from this side. What message does that send? You have given me a lot to think about this morning.

    • When I wrote that I was actually thinking of my mom. I have spent my life with her “fixing” what I did — she has actually refolded sheets at my house before right after I folded them! Sometimes I find myself about to fix something my daughter has done and then I think about how that feels. I’d rather have messy looking clothes in the drawer than make her think she doesn’t do it good enough for me.

  4. Oh man, You really have me thinking here. I feel like I try to send the right message but sometimes it’s a hard battle. Sometimes it’s just so much easier to do it myself or to tell them “one more minute”. Thank you for the encouragement to be more mindful of what I’m doing and what message I’m leaving. 🙂

    • Oh, it is definitely easier sometimes! And there are times you just can’t help having to tell them “one more minute.” The important thing is making sure that that doesn’t happen too often.

  5. I’ve actually been thinking a lot about this lately- about how I need to be more intentional in my marriage and motherhood with my time and words. Since I am home all day with the preschooler, it is so easy to retreat to the office for a little me time when my husband comes home. What I should be doing more of is hanging out with my family and snagging some me time in those “leftover” hours. Great reminder today! Thank you!

  6. This is very true! Sometimes we do not realize how our actions, no matter how simple we may think they are, truly impact our children. Great post!

  7. It use to break my heart when I taught pre-k and parents wouldn’t even get off the phone or stop talking when they came in the classroom to pick up their child…or when their son was all excited and showing them his artwork and they threw it away & said “we don’t need more of this crap in the car or cluttering up our house.’

    • Ouch! Can’t imagine any parent throwing away artwork right away! (Yes, eventually it goes away here, but it usually gets hung up for a while at least.)

  8. They learn through watching us and following our lead.
    I grew up with a mom that was notorious for redoing our work — and it made us all feel like we couldn’t live up to her expectations. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately and want to make sure my kids don’t feel that way growing up.

  9. They learn through watching us and following our lead.
    I grew up with a mom that was notorious for redoing our work — and it made us all feel like we couldn’t live up to her expectations. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately and want to make sure my kids don’t feel that way growing up.

    • Oh, I know there are messages I am sending that I don’t even think about. Usually it hits me at night and then it’s like, “Whoah…. Need to do better there!”

  13. I read this again and was so happy I did today! It is too easy for me to get overwhelmed with work and forget the little things. Today I stopped working and watched the kids swim with my husband. My 8 year old got out and wanted a cookie, and we had a very sweet time together. Thanks, your piece has been in my head since I first read it! xo

  14. Such a great post. I think as parents we try so hard to multi-task {at least I know that I do} and sometimes it’s hard to just stop and focus on them. I know that I’m not the best at this but I try hard each day to get better. I think it helps that I’m aware…that’s the first step to changing it. Thanks for sharing and allowing me to share too!

    • Oh, multi-tasking is definitely something we do as parents! Guilty here, for sure! But I have been trying to give each of my babies some undivided attention each day.

  16. This has been something I initially struggled with because I am an OCD perfectionist. But … I have started to Let Go more and more {it’s a weekly series on my blog} because I want to be a happier, better mom and I want Reagan to know that I’m always proud of what she does.

    Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
    Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. 🙂

  17. I loved this post. It’s so hard sometimes to do as we say, but little eyes are always watching and little ears are always listening.

    • It IS hard sometimes for sure! Today was not one of my better days — I wrote this post as much as a reminder to myself as others.

  18. Great post and an excellent reminder. I am a perfectionist and I have found myself redoing some of my kids tasks regularly. One day my daughter told me she felt like she would never get it “right”. It was then I realized that by redoing her work I was making her feel like she was wrong. I don’t want to send that message. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • Sometimes it is hard to stop and see just what messages we are sending our kids. I’m going to admit that today was a hard day for me — sitting here I keep thinking of a few things I said that are NOT the message I want my daughter to be hearing.

  20. Thanks for linking this up to my Best of 2013 link-up. This is a perfect thing to think about, especially this time of year with all the resolutions and reflections that go along with New Year’s. I know I will definitely be keeping these things in mind even more. We definitely want to send the *right* message to our kids and family: they are loved and important…More important than Facebook, the blog(s), Pinterest, etc.

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