Up until just a few months ago I was always the one who got our son to sleep while my husband got our daughter in bed. On nights he worked late, I’d rock little guy and sing loudly enough for our daughter to hear me in her room. That task was made easier when he stopped wanting to be rocked around age 3, but I still would be in his room while I sang to both of them.
Then one day he decided he wanted Daddy to put him to sleep. And so we started taking turns, switching kids every night. Usually this works out, but on nights when Monkey is super tired, those days we didn’t take that much-needed quiet time, where they played hard all day… Those nights are a little harder. Those are the days he still wants his momma, even if it’s supposed to be Daddy’s turn to get him asleep.
And Momma is weak.
I melt a little every time he wraps his arms around me to give me a hug goodnight and then says, “But I want Mommy to sing to me.”
I know I probably shouldn’t, but I give him one more big hug when he comes running back, and when the doors close, and he starts to cry that he wants Mommy, my heart goes to him.
Sometimes Daddy can get him calmed down, and my little girl and I will read her bedtime story and continue our night time ritual with no further interruptions.
But that was not the case tonight.
Tonight the tears turned into wails, barely a breath between his sobs for Mommy.
Instead of growing softer, they grew louder and louder, making it impossible to read the princess story she had brought to me. And I know she saw my glance towards the door. “Mommy, I think I’d like Daddy tonight,” she said softly.
I know it was her way of saying it was okay for me to go. But part of me wonders how much of that was because she saw my glance (and maybe she wanted him to just be quiet) and if somewhere in there she wanted me to stay.
It’s moments like that that make me wish I knew the “right answer,” if there is one.
One thing you have to know about our little guy is he has never been one to just fall asleep crying. Nope, even as a baby he could wail for an hour straight if you let him and keep going, stopping only to puke, because he is one of those who pukes when he laughs too hard or cries too long. So a part of me feels guilty that I went to him, even though she suggested it, because it was really her night with Mommy. And part of me knows that if I hadn’t, he’d probably still be crying and she’d still be up, too, because who can fall asleep with that?
And again, Mommy Guilt wins for the night.
Crystal Green says
This is so sweet. I do declare I can so relate to how your feeling. My youngest son has had to adjust to the fact that he doesn’t get as much “cuddle time” with me as he did prior to our daughter being born. She just turned one this past December, and it literally took him until yesterday to tell me I quote, “We’re finally getting our relationship back. I got to have more cuddle time with you this week.” In some ways, it broke my heart, but on the other hand my heart rejoiced that he felt like we were able to have our “special bond” back.
It’s so hard when you want to be there for all your kids and spouse and can’t. I holler a lot, “There’s only one of me.” My oldest son hollers back, “I wish there were five of you that way we all would have one of you and you’d have one for you to do what you wanted to do.”
OneMommy says
It is hard — that’s how my blogged got named, LOL, because I kept finding myself telling them there was just one mommy. My daughter hasn’t voiced her concerns, but I know she would like more of that one on one time… We try to schedule mommy-daughter dates so she can have me all to herself.
Anna at Mama Writes says
I know… that mommy guilt never seems to go away, does it? But it happens to the best us! It sounds like you have a very smart and conscious little girl, though, she sounds so sweet!
Anna at Mama Writes recently posted..How to Avoid the Flu and Colds
OneMommy says
She is wise beyond her years. Sometimes it makes me forget just how young she actually is.
Chris Carter says
Oh that is SO precious your little girl said that!!! What a great big sister she is… I would have done the SAME thing. Sometimes, a mama’s gotta do what a mama’s gotta do! There will come a time, when you can show your daughter that her turn counts for something…actually there will come so MANY times my dear!!! It’s part of the family process give and take. It’s a good thing to have those times. It teaches them so much about love…and sacrifice and selflessness and both the giving, the taking and the giving in. 🙂
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OneMommy says
Thank you for the reassurance that things will be okay. I definitely need to schedule another mommy-daughter date day soon so she can have my undivided attention. She really is a super big sister.
Vinma says
I can totally relate with your story and I understand what mommy guilt is all about.
Popping over from Bloggy Moms to say ‘hi’ 🙂 Keep writing.
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OneMommy says
Mom guilt is one thing all moms have in common.
cindy says
From an older mom/grandma point of view…If you do the best you can every day you have nothing to feel guilty for. That does not mean you have to be super mom every day….some days are always going to be better than others. I don’t know how women got burdened with so much guilt.
OneMommy says
Oh, I know you can’t be super mom every day…even if the little guy is dressed as a super hero most of the time lately! 🙂 I have wondered a lot lately why, we as women, seem to feel so much guilt. I don’t know that there is an easy answer.
Mary says
Aw, your daughter was so sweet and thoughtful in that situation. Sounds like she has gotten plenty of nurturing, enough to feel she can let you go to her brother… so no guilt necessary.
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OneMommy says
Thank you. Sometimes moms need to hear that — the no guilt necessary stuff. 🙂