I want my kids to stay little. I want them to enjoy their childhood and not rush into growing up. But lately I’ve realized that my actions say just the opposite. Today I have a parenting confession.
What’s my confession?
Sometimes I forget my daughter is only 4.
When her little brother comes home with a new little tractor, she says she wants one, too. I forget how hard that is when you’re the child without a new toy. I remind her of all the new dresses she just got from Mamaw, and the new trinket she got just a few days ago, and I get frustrated when she is crying because she wants a toy tractor, too. I mean, it’s not a princess doll or My Little Pony, so what’s the big deal?
When she is in her room for quiet time and I hear “THUMP!” followed by another “THUMP!” after she’s been in there for 20 minutes, I get angry that she is jumping from her bed during quiet time. Doesn’t she know her brother is trying to sleep in the next room?
When we go to play date and the cat won’t come out of hiding, and she is upset and crying in the car as we drive home, I just don’t get why it is suddenly so important. After all, it’s just a cat, right?
And when she decides to wait until the very last minute to run to the bathroom, dancing as she tries to pull down her pants, and then has an accident, I forget that it is just that, an accident. I get caught up in the question, “Why do you keep waiting to the last second?”
***
Then I see her sleeping, thumb in her mouth, curled up with her butt in the air, surrounded by her stuffed animals, and I remember.
She is just 4.
She isn’t trying to be difficult. She isn’t doing all of this to drive me crazy.
While she is no longer an infant, she is far from being an adult.
When she sees someone with a new toy, she wants one, too. It has nothing to do with being selfish or coveting what others have. At 4 it is hard to remember and appreciate the things you have and not want all the new things someone else might have.
When she is alone in her room, all that energy has to eventually go somewhere. There is only so long a 4 year old can sit still and play quietly. And 20 minutes probably feels like a lifetime to her.
When she goes to play date she looks forward to seeing her friend’s cat; she talks about having a cat all the time. We even have an invisible cat that visits sometimes. And she knows she will never get to have one of her own in the house because her daddy is severely allergic. So even though “it’s just a cat,” it is more to her in her 4 year old world. It’s a taste of something she would love to have, but can’t right now.
And finally, when she races to the potty and doesn’t make it, it really is just an accident. All kids go through this “how long can I hold it phase,” and I have to remember that is all it is, a phase. The more I make a big deal about it, the longer that phase is going to last.
I keep saying I want to keep my little girl a little girl for as long as possible. Yet, here I am, frustrated and often angry with her for being just that – a little girl.
It’s time to embrace all those little quirks that make her, her. Time to find a way to ease the hurt when things don’t go the way she hopes. Time to help her get all those wiggles out through out the day. And time to make sure she realizes I love her, accidents and all, no matter what.
Cindy says
Don’t forget to remember that you are human when you are remembering that your daughter is only 4. I’m not saying not to be patient and understanding with your daughter (and son for that matter.) I’m just saying to extend that patience and understanding to yourself. Your best is all you can do and some days that best will be better than other days:-)
admin says
It is certainly true that on some days “my best” is better than others… And we are all only human. Just sometimes I can’t believe how grown up my little girl is.
Jerry says
No matter how intelligent they are (and kids are much more intelligent than adults give them credit for), they are still kids and need love, patience, and understanding. Most importantly, they also need someone willing to give those things.
admin says
They show me every day just how intelligent they truly are! And you’re right, they still need love, patience, and understanding. But then, don’t we all?
loressa says
I love this post! It is so true! I often have to take a mom time out and come back to my individual kids who need their own individual attention:)
Kristen says
You made me cry. All of what you wrote is so true. We want to keep them little but sometimes we just expect too much out of them. Thanks for the friendly reminder!
admin says
That’s it; a two-edge sword… Can’t keep them little forever, and so often I expect her to act older than her 4 years.
Faith says
My eldest turns 4 next week and I struggle with this also. It’s hard to remember that she isn’t being difficult on purpose and that to her, a pillow pet is a huge deal. The park is a huge deal. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that she’s just a preschooler, especially when she can act so grown up and mature.
admin says
Yes! That’s it! My daughter talks so maturely sometimes, and she tries to be little mommy to her brother, so it’s hard to remember she isn’t much older than him herself…
Jessica says
I love this post! I may just print it and tape it to my bathroom mirror! Thanks for being so open and honest. I am right there with you!
Thanks for the award, too! I love these. They always lead me to discover or re-discover blogs that I love! Thanks again!
admin says
Thank you for the lovely comment. It’s not easy to admit how crazy the kids make me sometimes, but, then, like I said, I see her sleeping, or playing baby dolls and I remember just how little she still is.
Enjoy the award – I always smile when I get one, and I love to share that joy.
Fawn says
I think even as adults we still go through that “how long can we hold it” phase. We’re just better at gauging it :). It’s a blessing you were reminded she is only 4 so you can enjoy all her little quirks now because they will change over time. I’m happy you’re loving being a mom :).
admin says
Yes, I suppose even as adults we do that… LOL. There were many times when I was teaching that I had to make a quick dash between classes.
Angela says
Great post. You are not alone. I do this same thing with my oldest. She s always acts so much older than her age but I have to remind myself she is still just a little girl.
OneMommy says
Maybe it’s something with that oldest child… They just seem so mature at times.