Another week at library story time.  We’d been coming for years, and still my youngest wouldn’t sit on the rug with the other children.  Instead he sat, frozen on my lap, not clapping, not singing.

“He’s a boy.”   That was my mother-in-law’s answer anytime I voiced my concerns.

But it wasn’t just story time.   (Related Post:  Social Anxiety on the Playground)

When we went to our Mommy and Me preschool gymnastics class he wouldn’t sit in the circle during warm up time.  He would sit with his back to everyone else and push his toy car back and forth on the mat while the other children pretended to be butterflies or cats and did the stretches.

I might have been able to believe he was just shy, or that it was because he is a boy, but it was more than that.

It was more than that.

It was tears when someone came over unexpectedly, or if our usual routine changed.

Unexpected noises that didn’t just make him jump but caused him to cry and race from the room.

It was a toddler yanking off his shoes and socks, screaming as if his feet were on fire, the minute I had them both on him.

He would line up his toy cars.  His trucks.  Toy animals.  Crayons.

It was waiting in line, with him holding my hand and spinning.  Over and over and over again.

You know how some kids walk on tip-toe?  He did it constantly, with his toes actually curled under his feet.

It was him pulling off his wet swim suit the second he got out of the kiddie pool.  (Good thing we live in the country and the neighbors couldn’t see!)

At lunch time he’d only eat his hot dog if you held it for him.  He couldn’t risk getting ketchup on his hands.

If we went out somewhere he’d be so close to me it was like he was glued to my side.

It was my little boy falling out of his chair at meal times several times a day, walking into walls, and struggling to get out of his own clothes at night.

It was all of this and more.  Individually I’d say it was just a quirk, but together?  My momma instincts told me there was something more going on.

Trust your momma instincts.  

It’s been a year and a half since our son was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder.  And, oh, the difference a year can make!

Over that time I have done a lot of reading about SPD.   We’ve worked with an OT (Occupational Therapist) to help strengthen his core muscles.   We started bringing headphones to help him deal with noises in social situations; he also tucks a small fidget in his pocket so he can squeeze it when nervous.

Now he only falls out of his chair when he’s super tired.  He has more confidence when we go to public places where there are other children.  If his socks feel bumpy, he uses his words, pulls them off and tries to fix them himself.

He holds his own hot dog.

The answer wasn’t just that he’s a boy.  I wish I had followed my instincts earlier.

***

Want to know more about Sensory Processing?  I highly recommend the books The Out-of-Sync Child and Sensory Processing 101. 

You may also want to read about how we’ve dealt with social anxiety on the playground.

You can also find wonderful information at The Sensory Spectrum and on Lemon Lime Adventures.

The post Trusting My Instincts Got My Son Diagnosed first appeared on There's Just One Mommy.

Anxious to get playing, my daughter quickly finished her cheeseburger before stashing her shoes in the little red cubby.  I watched as she raced another little girl up the steps to the tunnel slide.  My son watched with me, having finished his food a little bit ago.  He sat as close as he could to me, practically in my lap.

A couple boys joined the play, and now there were four kids climbing the mini rock wall, zipping down the tunnel slide, laughing and enjoying the indoor play area.

My son continued to watch, inching ever closer to me.  He loves slides, especially tunnel slides, but still he sat, frozen on my lap, all because there were other children playing there.

It’s not just when we are in those enclosed play areas, the same thing happens at outdoor playgrounds.

If I suggest going to the park, he’ll ask if we can go to his “favorite one,” a small community park we have actually NEVER seen anyone else at.

And it isn’t just at play areas.

I’ve taken him to the library for story time since he was six months old.   When he started toddler time there, and all the other kids were jumping and giggling together, he stayed on my lap.

It took five years before he would sit on the brightly colored story rug, and then he sat as far away from the other kids as he could get.

He spent an entire year going to the preschool group at church on Sunday mornings, and NEVER spoke a word to another child there, nor did he participate in any of the singing activities they did.  Not once.

It isn’t easy to be a parent and watch your child in those situations.  And finding answers as to why he is so anxious around other children, when he can easily talk an adult’s ear off at the drop of a hat?   We are still trying to unravel that one. (Related Post: Trusting My Instincts Got My Son Diagnosed.)

Easing Social Anxiety in Kids

Here are some of the ways that work for us when it comes to helping a child with social anxiety.

Prep him before the trip:  Before we go somewhere we talk about where we are going and who we might see there. Having that time to prepare himself with whom we might see and talk to (like meeting friends on a homeschool field trip) really helps.  Of course I can’t give him names of everyone who will be at the park, but I CAN let him know who we are meeting and planning to interact with.

Vestibular Input:  Before we leave the house I also try to work in some type of vestibular input for him.  Spinning in circles and swinging on the tire swing we have set up in the basement are two of his favorites.

Noise Cancelling Headphones:  Noise Cancelling Headphones have been a big help.  We have taken them to homeschool field trips, Vocation Bible School, and lots and lots of other places.  I usually just let him know I have them and let him decide if/when he wears them.  I have noticed it’s not always the loudest moments that he chooses to wear them, and that when we have plenty of vestibular input before hand he doesn’t seem to need them as much.

Crunchy Snacks/Gum:  The past year or so I have noticed a growing tendency to chew/bite on toys or even the string from the waist of his sweatpants when we go places.  The chewing seems to help him, so I have started to offer him a variety of crunchy snacks and even chewing gum in certain situations.

 ***

Did you know that October is Sensory Processing Awareness month?  This post is part of the Decoding Everyday Kid Behaviors series hosted by Lemon Lime Adventures.  In honor of Sensory Processing Awareness month, bloggers are sharing their favorite tips that can help ALL children.  Be sure to hop over to read all of this month’s awesome sensory-related posts!

And, with the goal of supporting the sensory systems of ALL children, be sure to check out the Sensory Fix Toolkit, which was created as a complete sensory processing kit in a backpack, including 15 tools to help manage auditory distractions, restlessness, and more!  (I love the idea of having it all in one place, ready to grab as you go out the door!)

You may also want to check out one of the best sensory processing books available, Sensory Processing 101: The Complete Guide.

Related Posts:

• Trusting My Instincts Got My Son Diagnosed
• Using the Playground Swing to Increase Your Child’s Core Strength

The post Social Anxiety on the Playground first appeared on There's Just One Mommy.

Upset and angry and unable to handle the emotions flooding through him, my son had just hit his sister before racing to cry in his room.

“What’s wrong with you?!” was my husband’s automatic response as our son ran down the hallway.

I cringed at his wording.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Those four words seem simple enough.  But think about the connotation of those words when used repeatedly with a child.

Is there really something wrong with him or her?

No one can control the emotions they feel.

As adults we have had years to learn how to handle those emotions, but young children don’t have that experience.  If their sister teases them, or someone else wins that cherished game of Candyland, they may not be able to handle the emotions.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Use those four words often enough and the child begins to think there really is something wrong with him/her.  Instead of learning to deal with their emotions, they become embarrassed by them and try to hide them.  And hiding those emotions is NOT a healthy way to deal with them.

I would like to ban the phrase:  What’s wrong with you?    There are so many better alternatives when it comes to dealing with the reactions of a child, or even adults for that matter.

I thought about ending there, but there is more to the story than just that.

At 5 my son has become much more aware of himself and the world around him.

Recently at bedtime he asked me why his fingers are the way they are.  (His pinkies are both significantly bent inward.)

We have spent months trying to get his Sensory Processing issues identified, starting off with a referral to a psychologist, then an occupational therapist, and even having a pragmatic speech eval done this past week.  This last visit he asked, “Why am I always the one that has to go see people?”

The last thing I want him to feel is like there is something WRONG with him.

He is not broken.

He is beautifully made, the way God intended.  And perfect in my eyes.  (I may be a bit biased as him mother, but I think he is a very smart and talented little guy!)

And so that is why this phrase bothers me just a little more when it is used with him.  No child should be made to feel there is something wrong with them when they act like a child.

And that phrase, “What’s wrong with you?”  As adults we need to think before we speak because our words have more impact than we may realize.

Other posts you’ll like:

• Trusting My Instincts Got My Son Diagnosed
• Easing Social Anxiety in Kids
• To the Mom Whose Child Has Lice 

The post The Parenting Phrase I Want to Ban first appeared on There's Just One Mommy.