Taking Stock of What I Value Most

by

“Oh, you’re a stay at home mom?   Boy, that must be nice.  I’d love to be able to stay home with my kids…”

I’ve heard that one a few times.

And I’ve bit my tongue when the person speaking then pulls their brand-new Smart phone out of their designer handbag or helps slip brand new designer sneakers on their little one’s feet before walking out to their brand new SUV, all so they can get home to watch whatever show they’ve TiVoed.

Yes, I know, sometimes it really isn’t possible for every mom who wants to, to stay home.  There are single parents, there are homes where mom is the only one who is working at the time, there are huge medical bills that need to be paid.

I get that.

But then there are those who really could do it, if they truly wanted to.  So I’m going to share how we afford it.

Tips on how to afford to be a SAHM

 

I don’t have a new car.  It’s the same one I got before we married; it has over 100,000 miles on it, and I’m not planning on replacing it any time soon.  My husband’s truck?  Just as old with 150,000 miles.

New cell phone?  Uh, no.  Mine is 4 years old now.  And it is far from high-tech.  My cell phone makes phone calls.  That’s what phones are really for, right?  Actually, it can also take pictures, too.  That was a bonus I hadn’t expected with the phones we got free with our cell phone plan.  Free.  I like free.

Speaking of that phone plan; there is not texting or Internet on it.  I guess the phone can physically do those things (Once my daughter texted “A” from my phone to her daddy’s phone when she was a year old…The kid is light years ahead of us!), but not using those features and having a basic plan saves us money.

You won’t find cable t.v. at our house, nor do we have satellite or whatever other stuff there is for televisions today.  When the government decided everyone should have digital signals, we went with the converter box.  The basic one we could get with the government issued coupon.  What sucked is we had to build a huge antennae for the converter box to even work out here… But my husband and his dad installed it all themselves, saving us labor costs at least.

affording SAHM
Notice our t.v. is over 20 years old and far from being a flat screen.

Kids clothes?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, hand-me-downs rock!  Seriously.  So do consignment shops.  8 dollars for a winter coat that almost looks brand new?  I’ll take it!  After all, they will both outgrow their coats by the next year anyway.  Why spend 50 bucks for the latest Gymboree or Children’s Place item?

The same with toys.  Yes, my kids have had their share of new toys.  (After all, they are the only grandkids on my husband’s side of the family!)  But this year their birthday gifts from us came from the consignment shop.  I didn’t plan it, but when I saw them I knew they were perfect.  My daughter loves her My Little Pony island, and Monkey has played with his pirate ship every day since his May birthday.  How could I pass it up for 6 dollars?  And he doesn’t care how much I spent on it.  Trust me.

Grocery shopping?  Whenever possible I buy the generics.  Yes, coupons are great, but there are a lot of times that even with the coupon, the generic is just a better deal.  I admit it, I am a paper product snob, though.  I have tried our generics in paper towels and toilet paper and it just has to be the brands I grew up with for those.

Yes, the husband and I like to go out to eat, alone, when possible.  But it’s not a daily thing for sure!  Once a week, or so, we head out to catch dinner.  Sometimes we even splurge and get dessert. (Everyone needs to do that sometimes!)  If you look around you can find coupons for quite a few nice restaurants.  We have a local favorite that is family owned and always a great deal – dinner for 2 for $20 bucks is a nice treat without breaking the bank.  And we skip all the alcoholic drinks when dining out – that adds up!

Have a book habit?  The library has allowed us to have quite the reading selection without spending a dime.  (Well, except with overdues!)  And for all those kids books I want to have in our personal library without having to worry about the kids damaging a library book?  The used book store.  Love that place.

Movie habit?  No, we don’t have Netflix.  And we haven’t paid to rent a video at Blockbuster for years.  Again, the library has kept us quite happy.

Maid service?  Yeah… Don’t think so!

Designer purses?  Shoes?  Clothes?  Not my style!  And all my maternity wear?  It came from consignment shops.   I could probably count on one hand the items I have bought myself since weaning the maternity wear from my closet.  (And, yes, those items were sold again!)

Mani’s and pedi’s?  I have had one pedicure in my lifetime – oh, and it WAS wonderful!  But I can’t justify spending 30 dollars to do that on a regular basis.  Nor do I spend a lot on my hair cut/style.  Hey, if I can get the same cut during the 6 dollar special at a place like Great Clips, why go somewhere else and spend 30 or more?

 

Do I feel like I am giving anything up?

No.

Not. At. All.

I really don’t think there is much on this list that I would consider, even if I had the extra money.

But, even if I’d love to have all of that stuff, being able to spend this once in a lifetime opportunity to stay at home with our kids?  THAT is priceless.

It’s just an issue of what I value most.

My kids.

 

 

Comments

  1. Bravo! I speak to too many young women who bemoan not being able to stay home, and yet they are not willing to give up their toys, their shopping trips, or their cars. There is so much freedom in frugality, isn’t there? You can choose what is truly important to you because you have said no to what is not.

    Our daughters are in their mid-twenties, and thrift and gently used items still regularly make their way under the Christmas tree. We all love the value that used items provide.

    • Thank you. I was kind of worried about the reactions I might get when I wrote that post. But it is a conversation my husband and I have had numerous times – how it seems people are addicted to their “toys” as you put it. They go further and further in debt, yet spend money on things they really don’t NEED.
      There IS freedom in frugality!

      I love that your family still gives gently used items as gifts. It really should be the thought that counts – not the price tag.

  2. Oh I needed this post. With not finding work again, we are looking to cut more and I worry what will happen. Your post shows me there is a way to cut and still be happy. Not that we live above or even at our means.

    • I’m sorry to hear about your troubles with work… I know how scary going down to one job can be.
      Embrace the time you have with your little one and trust that things will work out.

  3. I felt totally blessed to be a stay-at-home mom and raise our 2 children. If given the option, I would choose to do it all over again without hesitation ~ it was (is) priceless!!

    Yes, it’s challenging to live on one income….but so worth the sacrifices = )

    Hey….your TV looks just like ours (which is 19 years old).
    Hang in there…..you’re not alone!

    • I would jump at the chance to do this again! Part of me wishes I hadn’t gone back to work those 6+ months after our first was born…. but then again, I may never have realized what a blessing it truly is if I hadn’t.

  5. I really liked reading your post. I think its some great points for everyone. I will share a little secret it you ever want to pamper yourself (for a birthday or holiday gift) with a mani and pedi you should check out your local beauty school. They do great mani and pedis at a fraction of the cost.

    Poping over from SITS

    • Thank you for stopping by, and thank you for the tip! We actually have a school not far from us… The one I had was with my BFF as a birthday gift for her, but maybe we could do it again for Christmas…

  6. You should liked you are doing a fantastic job as a mom. Where there’s a will there’s a way, right?

  7. There are definitely different choices that can be made to make it work. Or at least, to make it easier. Not something everyone can manage, depending on their situation.

    • No, it is not something everyone can do – and I know not everyone wants to do it, either. Definitely a choice.
      But if you really want to, there are things that can be tweaked to make it a little easier.

  8. I so thoroughly enjoyed reading this, and equally, I sure do appreciate the extraordinary dedication you have put forth to being home for your children. As an advocate dedicated to the welfare of at-risk children, there is nothing … nothing more important than for a child to have and embrace the early childhood ‘bindings’ that occur during early childhood. The sacrafice you have made (love the car … and what year was that tv 🙂 ) bespeak of the amazing dedication and love you have for your children. Bravo my friend! Thank you for sharing.

    One last thing . . . although you may be at home, your voice, as exemplified by your wonderful blog says everything about the value of your wisdom. Again . . . Bravo.

  9. Agreed! Things cannot replace priceless time spent with our little ones! I do work outside the home but agree with doing without or with less is more important than things!

    • Oh, definitely that time can not be replaced!
      I never thought I would make this choice to be a sAHM – and that’s what it is, a choice.

  10. Financially it really was necessary for me to work when my children were young but I feel that it was a good thing. They were kept by their grandmother and never had to go to daycare which established relationships that would have made things easier for them if anything had ever happened to me. Plus, given that I was much more impatient in my younger days, it meant that I could genuinely enjoy them when I didn’t have to deal with them every day. I am much more patient as a stay at home grandmother.

    • Having a grandparent who is willing and able to watch the kids is such a blessing!
      My oldest went to her grandmother’s when I first went back to work, and it did make it easier because I knew she was with someone who truly loved her.
      (Oh, and I hear ya on that patience thing! Every day I am sooo glad I didn’t go in to teaching kids this age!)

  11. We also made sacrifces so that I could stay home with our kids. It was worth everyone of them.

  12. I could have written this post, OneMommy! We have prepaid phones, our TV looks the same as yours, (we are waiting for it to break before we buy a flat screen) and our cars will be with us for many years. (My husband’s car is a 1999!)

    One thing that has made it affordable for me to stay at home is just that we were married a little older, so we both had been working for many years and had savings. I need to go back to work pretty soon, though, and sometimes I regret leaving my teaching job because there are no teaching jobs available. But when I read a post like yours, I remember why I decided to stay at home in the first place!

    • That helped us, too. I had taught for 11 years (2 years were subbing, so half the pay, but still….)
      I think we are waiting for the old t.v. to go, too! 🙂 My dad actually gave us a check for Christmas last year to buy a new one, but we opted to put it towards a double up on the mortgage.

      I am mostly scared to go back to teaching b/c of all the things they seem to have changed in just these past few years!

  13. I stayed at home for 12 years and don’t regret a minute of it! Now I’m in a new season of my life, (and I like it a lot!) but I learned how to really get creative because we didn’t have the money.

  15. I am happy to be a SAHM. I know others choose differently, but I think the important thing is that people should do what works for their families. What’s best for mine may not be best for someone else’s.

    • Very, very true. It is definitely an individual choice! And I am happy I was able to follow my heart and be a SAHM.
      Thanks for stopping in for my SITS day!

  16. This sounds very familiar. We don’t have cable or smartphones or new cars and our daughter wears hand-me-downs from her older cousin. But we were thrifty like that before kids, and it’s mostly just the way we want to live. It’s also an example we want to set for our daughter. We don’t want to be hyper-consumers who always need the newest things. “Things” aren’t what’s important in life. *Steps off soapbox*
    Couldn’t agree more with this post. Happy SITS day to you!

    • Yes, we were thrifty before the kids, too. For me it comes from a family where my dad would keep the same car for years and we’d sleep in the car at a Cracker Barrel parking lot instead of a hotel when we were traveling. LOL.

      Thanks for stopping in for my SITS day!

  17. Nuts, whenever I see this I’m reminded of all the talk of ‘welfare queens’ in the 80s – am I really that old?

    Fact is I know way more people like me, who don’t have the latest gadgets or cable or a new car or fancy clothes or whatever and still have to work to pay for things like electricity and heat in New England than moms who work to fund iPhones. I get what you’re saying, but the idea that it’s as easy as giving up lattes (which I make at home if I want one) or manis (which I don’t even bother with at home) sometimes feels insulting when I wish I could be at home without working.

    • I’m sorry if I offended you. I know it isn’t as easy as just giving up the extras to stay home; for some it just isn’t possible. I think I said that in the post. But where I am I actually do know a lot more moms with all the gadgets and fancy clothes… The post was really meant for a few specific people who make insinuations to me quite often that my husband must make a lot of money or something. And that’s just not the case.

  19. I couldn’t agree more with you. I get comments all the time about how nice it must be to stay home. I just think to myself…really? Well ok, it is! But along with you I have a (well…not old now) cell phone with NO smartphone features, no internet, just a phone. I have an old car that I look at an cringe at, but hey…no payments! Kids clothes? We trade with friends and buy ONLY CLEARANCE (I haven’t paid over $5 for an outfit in years!). Baby? We cloth diaper, her clothes (90%) are hand me downs from my sister, toys? Craigslist. I simply ask if the like their shiny new iPhone 5 and tell them, yeah, that is something I will never have as a SAHM.

    • Yes! It’s those comments, that sometimes sound so snide, about how nice it must be to be able to stay home…. Those are the comments that this post were directed at.
      I won’t every have a smart phone, either, but at least I’ll have some wonderful memories!

  20. Yes, there is a great freedom with frugality that I strive for! There is so much pressure to acquire stuff these days. On a different note, I stayed at home with my kids when they were little and it was the best investment ever! You do not get that time back and let me tell you it goes by so fast! Happy SITS Day!

  21. Amen! We don’t have the nicest or newest of anything, but I stayed home with my kids almost their entire lives. They are 14-21 now. I didn’t work until my youngest was in school full time, and then ended up back home when my health got bad. It’s been worth every sacrifice we’ve made. Plus, this is the one thing I know I was born to do. And I’m good at it. It’s where my heart it. It’s not just that it’s been good for my kids; it’s been good for me.

    Not everyone wants to stay home. And not everyone who wants to can. But there are a lot of people who say they want to and just aren’t willing to pay the opportunity cost to do so.

    • Yes, I realize not everyone who wants to can, but it’s those who say they want to and who aren’t willing to give up certain things (like you said) that I was really aiming at.

  22. I have told my husband so many times how much I appreciate him working so hard so I can stay at home. I homeschooled our kids for years, and I still oversee the work they do for their virtual school and dual enrollment college classes. It has been such a blessing! Before I moved to FL there was a great consignment shop where I would take things 4 times a year, and basically spend the money I got on “new clothes.” Some still had tags! I haven’t found one that I like here in FL. You go, Girl!

    • Oh, I definitely appreciate my husband’s hard work. I need to tell him that more often.
      We LOVE our consignment shop — and yes, I have found quite a few items with tags on them still! 🙂

  23. Nice post. It is hard being a SAHM. I did it in the seventies and eighties and almost to the nineties. It was worth it for the girls and I learned to budget which will help for retirement. Enjoy your time with your children. Be proud of working hard at staying home. Enjoy your SITS Day.

    • Thank you so much! It seems now so many people think that if you stay home with the kids you are ruining all that women worked for… But it is definitely something I’m glad I didn’t pass up!

  24. Nice post. I work away from home, as does my husband. We live frugally, as well, but I don’t think we could make it on just one salary because we barely scrape by as it is. I will say that I enjoy knowing that my kids are well cared for when they are away from me (2 in public school, one at an award-winning day care). It makes me appreciate the time we have together that much more.

  25. First, thank you an easy spam protection, what with the addition problem and all–I’m so tired of word verification screens. So, with that out of the way…..

    Great post! What I find interesting about this line of thinking is that I believe many of our moms, for those of us in the mid thirty to forty set, rarely considered anything but what you’ve written–it’s really just what everyone did. Obviously, there were exceptions, there always are, and some of them are good exceptions.

    But I what I find hard about our generation is that we believe we should be living at the same level as many of our retired or soon-to-be retired parents are living now–even though, they themselves probably didn’t live like that when they were raising kids. There is so much pressure to keep moving up and up and up and have, have, have–that you’re almost left feeling like something is wrong with you if you aren’t–like you must be unmotivated or something.

    I remember, even as newlyweds, we were some of the only people in our group of friends who didn’t buy a house right away–for three years–we lived in an apartment and our friends acted like we were crazy, like we were wasting money…when really, we just didn’t have the money to put down on a house for a bit. But the pressure to have every piece of the American dream younger and younger is suffocating sometimes.

    Thanks for your honesty! Great post and happy SITS Day!

    • Yes, I agree, there is this feeling like you have to have it all, have to do it all to be “successful” sometimes.

      I also get a lot of people I know who shake their head and can’t understand why I’ve chosen to be a SAHM after starting a career. It’s like they think I have let women down somehow.

      Thanks so much for stopping in on my SITS day!

  27. I hear that comment all the time. My response is that my husband is not a millionare, we just live by a budget and we don’t have that many extras in our life. Like many of the things you mentioned. I know that it’s a sacrifice, but I could care less. I can always make money later when my kids are older.

  28. Amen Sister! I stayed at home with my children 30 years ago, and I don’t regret one minute of it. We didn’t drive new cars either like some of our friends, or have the best of everything. But we made it and our children are great adults.

  29. Amen! I hear that all the time! We definitely don’t have the newest stuff, but we have what we need and most importantly, I am able to spend my time with my son (which like you said, is priceless). I wouldn’t change that for anything! I absolutely love it!

    • I have to say, it was a wonderful experience…. Don’t know if I’ll get there before the end of this year, but I might just have to take my best friend for her birthday again this coming year!

Recent Posts

Proud Member

Women Online
Blog Meets Brand

Archives